Our House

Our house is different now. Our house is not the same. It’s been a strange last couple of months since our boys have both been off to school and living on campus. It is now just my husband and and I and our 14 year old daughter left here at home.

The boys are busy with their studies. They don’t call a lot. I try to call them once a week or so but they really are busy and I rarely get them the first time.

My husband seems kind of sad with out his boys. His basketball playing and basketball watching little buddies. I try to sit in but I can’t replace the bond he has with them.

The dog is a whole other story. He seems to be a little angry. He misses them. He started acting weird when we sit around at night. And all of a sudden he started pooping in the dining room every day. Something he has never done before. He is completely house trained. The problem is our 18 year old son took him out every night and when he got home from school. Not that no one else did but apparently he missed him.

The house itself seems to be a little sad too. Just not as lively. It’s like the house itself is wondering where the boys are.

My daughter had the most glamorous Pinterest page you had ever seen dedicated to the take over of her brothers room. Filled with DIY’s like you wouldn’t believe. But he didn’t want to give up his room. He wanted a place to come to when he came home. It was his choice. She was a little bummed. But I let her do the DIY’s in her room. About a month in she broke down in tears admitting she missed her brothers. Before that she would have never said that!

All in all our house is different. Our life is different. I’m not used to it yet. I don’t know how long this takes to get used to it or if you ever do. But I love my boys and I’m so insanely proud of them taking a step to go off to college on their own. They are living every moment and doing well. And that’s all I can ask for.



Hello again New Year too

I had decided I was not going to have a resolution this year. I never follow through. It always end in me feeling like a failure. The other day I found a post someone posted stating things they’d like to do this year taking them back to the simple things. I thought that sounded like a great idea. By that meaning things like more walks going to the the beach and picnics, going on long drives at night and daytime, more dates and flowers, more movies new and old, more phone calls and writing. This last summer I took a long drive and found a magical beach I did not know existed. Mind you I have lived in the same place my whole life. This place is absolutely magical and off the beaten path. I would have never found it if I hadn’t decided to take a long drive that day and go in that direction. So I’d like to write more about these experiences!  I love to write and where better than here.




    What can I say about help?  There are so many things I could write about the word help. I have received in the last year so much help I kind of feel bad about it. You see I had a brain surgery 1 year ago. I had a ton of help from my family including my sister and parents staying with me and driving me places before and after my surgery. I don’t know what we would have done without them. I get choked up thinking about it. 

     The one thing that comes to mind with the word help is my husband! He was and is my rock. As I came home I couldn’t walk by myself and it took a lot of effort to even get out of a chair. So getting up in the morning was a tough one not to mention a lot was confusing. I had a handful of medications and I couldn’t keep them straight or remember how much to take. Every morning he brought me my meds in a little cup along with a banana, yogurt and orange juice. I had to keep my vitamin C up Drs orders. He did all this before leaving for work. Then he wrote down my pain meds and what time I took them for me and whoever would be with me that day. At night he did the same. 

     This man is a saint!  He didn’t have to bring my medicine right to my bed but he did every single day. He didn’t have to call me everyday just to check on me while he was at work but he did!

     So I could have wrote a lot about the word help. I help people everyday at my job. I help my fellow coworkers and they help me. I’ve helped with cleaning and  yard work at home and with my friends and family. But the first thing that has come to mind is my family and my husband. They have and continue to go above and beyond and I for them now. 

      So thank you everyone who has helped me for the last 3-5 years during my diagnosis, my journey to surgery, and the road after.  You all mean the world to me and I love you all. 


This Day Last Year

This day last year was different.  This day last year didn’t start like any other day.  This day last year I was freaking out.  Did I get everything done to prepare my life, my kids, my family and my house for the long road ahead?  Will I remember my kids smile or a hug from my husband? Will I be the same when I come home?  These are thoughts that were going through my head that day.  A lot of things would go thru my head that day.

This day last year we drove to the hospital and  we heard a song.  The song was “Thinking out Loud” by Ed Sheeran.  It was too much and it made me cry.  I was on my way to a Grand Rapids hospital for my brain surgery.  I had a craniotomy  resection lobectomy, an epilepsy surgery that hopefully would take care of my seizures in which it did. When this song came on all I could think about was what could happen?  Will I remember our life together?  Will I remember my family and friends? Will I act the same and be the same person I was?  But the other thought was what if I don’t do this surgery there is a huge risk they would get worse or I could die.    The song is about remembering your significant other as you get older and possibly forget important little things about each other and how much we care for each other.

This day last year as I got to the surgery waiting room my pastor his son and my parents were there and before we were.  My kids were on their way with my sister.  This day last year I was prayed for and said “see ya after my surgery” to my family. Not knowing what things would be like.

This day last year my husband stayed right next to me holding my hand until I was out.  The last thing I remember is my pastor and his son praying over me.  And that was it everything went black and I was out.

This day last year I woke up in a hospital room all stapled up after a 3 1/2 hour surgery I think.  Honestly I don’t remember how long it was.   My whole family was around me and I remembered them even though I was still partly out.  I was severely dizzy but I remembered.

This day last year my whole world was spinning literally.  This day last year I couldn’t walk at all without help.  Not because I didn’t know how but because well I just had brain surgery and I was severely dizzy and had a headache from hell. This day last year changed my life and changed my day to day living.

This day last year my life slowed down but only for a little while. I had to walk with a walker or have someone help me.  It hurt to eat and my head just hurt.  There is still recovery time for another year maybe two.  Lots of dizziness and lots of headaches in which I will deal with probably the rest of my life.  The best part of this day last year was I was given a gift of a surgery to get my life back to normal.  It was a gift of a better quality of life and to begin to live out loud.



I hate snow and yes I know I live in Michigan 

I am not a big fan of snow. I live in the western lower  peninsula and I’ve hated snow for a very long time. And yes I know I live in Michigan. In explaining I do not like snow I always get the “you live In the wrong state”. I know this yet my great great grandparents settled here. Why they stayed in this cold climate I’ll never know.

As a kid I really didn’t enjoy playing in the snow much. I did because my sister loved it and if I didn’t go out and my friends did I would be alone. So I braved the cold temperatures and went sledding and built snow forts and had snowball fights. But it wasn’t my favorite.  My favorite is being warm and seeing the sunshine. When I get cold I don’t warm up quick at all. And my body is working so hard to warm up all I want to do is sleep. When I’m warm I can cool down much easier but to me it can ever be too hot. Most of the time when it snows there is no sun. I need the sun for my wellbeing. I am  happier and  feel better with the sun. Anytime I say I would like to live somewhere south someone always says “you don’t want to live there it’s way to hot you would hate it”. No I won’t hate it as I said the heat doesn’t bother me. I can cool down so much easier than I can warm up. For instance I’ve been freezing all night. We are having a winter storm here. We have about 10 inches of snow. I’m sitting here with a heated blanket on and I’m still cold. If it were summer and I was too hot I could drink some ice water, go jump in my parents pool go to a restaurant with really good air conditioning. Yet I’m sitting here in my house where I have heat I’m wearing warm clothes and I have a heated blanket.

So yes I know I live in Michigan. And it does not change the fact snow is my very least favorite. And someday I’m going to move south and yes there may be cold days but they won’t last quite as long and be as harsh as they are here. And when I live there and there is snow and everyone is freaking over 1 inch of snow I’ll be remembering this day with 10 inches of snow and I’ll be driving around like a boss. I’ll also know that there will be more warmer days then snowy days and The sun will be back soon.  I see green grass in my future. Although it doesn’t look like it spring is coming and literally we’ll have green grass very soon. But someday I’ll be somewhere where green grass in normal!!  Thank you for reading rant about how I hate snow.  #snow


To my friends

Dear Friends,

I am starting a blog.  I don’t know what my theme is going to be or what I will write about.  I just want to write.  I’ve always wanted to and kind of researched this a little and decided to try it.  I have just set up my page and am trying to see how this all works.  If you see a post through Facebook it is my blog thru WordPress.  I’m just learning so don’t get annoyed but I’m hoping to get my writing bug out this way.  There are so many things I want to do in my life and some such as traveling have to wait a while.  Other things such as this and maybe getting back into jewelry making I can do now.  My life had been held up for the last several years from medical issues.  I wish I had thought of this before I could have been doing this all along but what has been has been.  Time is of a virtue and I’m not waiting a lifetime to do things I want.  This last year things have been getting back to normal.  Well as normal as they can be.  Our lives and our family is changing really quick with kids growing so fast.   Soon we will be empty nesters I have to try to find who I am again.  Its kind of a weird feeling.  I just had a birthday I’m 38.  I have a 19 year old in college and has his  own apartment.  My  17 year old is graduating in a few short months and my daughter is 13.  I’m too old to be young and I’m too young to be old.  As far as parents go I’m on the younger side as far as kids go I am an old mom.  Well that is not how it’s going to be.  I am myself and that’s who I am going to be but I haven’t seen this girl for about 20 years so it might be a little bit of a hike to find her.  But I’m on my way and I am young enough to do things I’ve always wanted.  I am too old for some things but that’s a different blog.  Thanks to everyone who has helped along the way.